Balancing Act

Monday, February 22, 2016

Son of a Pitch Entry 1: A Touch of Heaven

And away we go! Welcome to Son of a Pitch, Week 2. This week, I'll be hosting ten writers here on my site. ~~Any visitor to my blog is welcome to comment below as to whether this pitch piques your interest and what feedback you have about making it stronger.~~ UPDATE: My misunderstanding. The organizer asks that only the entrant and judges comment below.

Participants are asked NOT to comment on other entrants' posts, only their own. Though, you may, of course, tweet, bribe, coax, share, cajole and otherwise pursue glory for your own pitch. I'll be leaving feedback in the comments, as will other participating writers: Ayden Morgen , Elsie Elmore , Leigh Statham , Mara Valderran, Stacey Nash , Elizabeth Roderick, and Yolanda Renée!

The top twenty will be selected and posted on Friday. Without further ado:

1.

TITLE: A TOUCH OF HEAVEN

WORD COUNT: 96,000

Genre: Adult Magic Realism Contemporary Romance

Query:

This is the story of a girl that doesn't follow her dreams.

With an IQ of one hundred and sixty, Annie knows a lot about a lot of things. But what she really wants to learn is the art of acting. Because what she wants most passionately, beyond anything, is to be a great actress. It’s the only thing that makes her heart ‘race with pleasure’. But the well-meaning adults around her strongly discourage her ambitions. With advice like, ”Annie, you’re too smart to be an actress,” they influence her to change her career plans. She reluctantly agrees to pursue a doctorate in healthcare and graduates at twenty-two, at the top of her class. She is offered a position at a university clinic. But boom its like being punched in the stomach, when it occurs to her she is out of school and about to embark on a path to the wrong life; a life that others have chosen for her. But the prestigious job is an offer she can’t refuse. For reassurance she tells herself she’s still very young. Surely it’s not too late to fix her life.

Still determined to find a way to become an actress, she intends to steer clear of romantic relationships, until she meets John and falls blissfully in love. She is absorbed by her life and gradually becomes despondent over the fact that she has never achieved her overwhelming ambition. She utters a prayer for guidance. As a result, a mischievous celestial angel, who happens to look exactly like a leading Hollywood heartthrob, visits her. He provides her with the opportunity to learn from several golden age of Hollywood, quite dead, film icons.

The quirky angel is a little too keen to turn her life upside down. Out of the blue, she is asked to temporarily manage a clinic in LA. And then even more ‘providentially’ she is given the opportunity to fulfill her desire to become an actress. Annie is swept off her feet in this new opulent life, but it’s tearing apart her old. She is determined to fulfill her happily ever after. But will she make the wrong choices? Will she lose John if she does? Can her angel help her to realize a way to her happy ending professionally without losing her way back to John? “It’s easy. when you’re working with all the Wisdom of the universe,” the angel states matter-of-factly, with a roguish grin.

FIRST 250 WORDS

“Perfect. I’m totally f…” No. She had promised herself she would refrain from cursing now that she was a so-called adult. But if ever there was a time that required a really offensive curse word this was certainly it. Annie dropped her head and rubbed her closed eyelids, as though the action would clarify her life.

“You planned every little thing meticulously and have done nothing but screw things up. I mean, what did you think was going to happen? Some Hollywood director was going to walk into anatomy lab and bellow “Bravo! You dissect that cadaver better than anyone we have ever seen! We want to cast you as the leading lady in our next big blockbuster film!” Annie thundered in a deepened voice.

“Ugh. You’re ridiculous,” she shook her head in disgust.

“What a fool Annie. You’ve been the architect of a wonderful life but it’s the wrong damn life.”

As a genius with an IQ of one hundred and sixty Annie knew a great deal about a great many things. For example, she understood Faraday’s Law of induction and how it applied to the operation of electric motors and generators. She could explain the precise physics of how to throw a baseball to achieve the maximum velocity and distance. She could play all of Brahms second concerto, without the sheet music. And she even knew all of Miss Elizabeth Bennet’s lines from Pride and Prejudice, just in case she was ever offered the role. So with all that intellect and ability, the question loomed large how she had gotten her life into such a perplexing mess.

Son of a Pitch Entry 2: The Aldar Dominion

Participants are asked NOT to comment on other entrants' posts, only their own. Though, you may, of course, tweet, bribe, coax, share, cajole and otherwise pursue glory for your own pitch. I'll be leaving feedback in the comments, as will other participating writers: Ayden Morgen , Elsie Elmore , Leigh Statham , Mara Valderran, Stacey Nash , Elizabeth Roderick, and Yolanda Renée!

The top twenty will be selected and posted on Friday. Without further ado:

2.
Title: THE ALDAR DOMINION
Age and Genre: Adult Science Fiction
Word Count: 84,000

Query:

The Aldar Dominion saved the World.

Three hundred years ago when humanity needed it most, the alien corporation swept humans away from their mundane world, and gave them hope. But that hope came with a price in the form of clones, saving the human race from extinction by disease. With the technology to transport one’s consciousness from body to body, the Dominion has profited endlessly. But when Selene and the captain of her international smuggling crew go on a mission to save the animals experimented on by the Dominion, their subsequent chase through the city gets more attention than intended. When their pursuit knocks Selene’s head against the back of their hovercraft, the trauma brings back a past long forgotten, one that might hold the key to the sudden disappearance of natural-born humans.

When images of stark labs, human experiments and torture come back to Selene, she wonders if these dreams could be a nightmare from the twenty years she’s lost. But when every mission starts to go wrong, and humans start dropping like flies, Selene suspects someone on the inside might be selling information on her crew’s exploits. If the Dominion is really the enemy, and no one can be trusted, then who can she turn to? With the Dominion on her trail, and the mysteries that inform her dreams mounting, Selene may not live long enough to find out.

First 250 Words:

Dangling from the open hovercraft door, Selene wondered if the lab security had any idea what was about to happen. It was late, well past midnight. They had spent the last few days staking out the low security facility on the very edge of the city. It was a fairly large building, with small security bots sweeping the yard. All was quiet, aside from the low thrum of the hover propellers.

“Stick to the plan.” Selene took stock of the dark roof one last time before she stepped back inside, meeting her partner’s all to knowing gaze. At the front of the cockpit sat the captain of their small smuggling operative.

Rikkard Gunnar was a handsome man, with messy dark hair, tan skin and striking cold blue eyes. She’d been part of his team for three years, and still she found it hard to break through his cool demeanour.

“Don’t I always?” Selene couldn’t help but grin.

Rikkard rolled his eyes and turned back to the control panel before him. He clicked around the ship’s navigation system until the hovercraft began to lower. They were at least fifty feet up from the building, a black smudge in the otherwise starry night sky. He’d have to hide their ship while she was inside or risk being seen by lab security.

“Twenty minutes should do it,” she said, turning from her captain and back to the open door. The wind whipped at her black and green wig.

Son of a Pitch Entry 3: The Proxy Initiative

Title: The Proxy Initiative

Category and Genre: Adult Science Fiction

Word Count: 80,000

Query:

The Proxy Initiative is a government cybersecurity contractor founded to infiltrate people's minds through their wetware – computers implanted directly in the skull – and Ethan Pryce is their lead programmer. When he finds out the people he's working for are more interested in their own power than using the tools he developed to fight terrorism, Ethan goes rogue. He downloads a head full of damning data that could destroy The Proxy Initiative and he taps into their system, so the next time they hack someone he'll take over instead.

When unforeseen glitch overloads his wetware, he loses control and his life becomes irrevocably twined with the lives of strangers.

Now, every night Ethan is forced into the bodies of strangers. He experiences the world through their eyes, feels their pain, and controls their bodies while a trio of psychopaths working for The Proxy Initiative hunt these bodies down. To locate the real Ethan, they'll murder and torture him as many times as they have to because he's the only one with the power to stop them.

Due to the glitch in his wetware, the data that he sacrificed so much to get is inaccessible without specialized hardware. Hardware owned and guarded by the very people hunting him down. With only the help of a rebellious young woman he'll have to find a way to destroy the Proxy Initiative before they destroy him and use their technology to create a world that would make George Orwell look like an optimist.

First 250 Words:

Drive full.

The message flashes in my brain. I grab the cable jacked into the base of my skull with sweat slicked fingers and scan the list of documents.

Shit. The Proxy software isn’t downloaded. I rearrange the files and send mental instructions to override the wetware-brain barrier. It will overwrite some personal memories, but I need that software.

My past is best forgotten anyhow.

“It's time, Ethan.” Meridian takes her eyes off the view of Central Park, and rises from my couch, dark face crinkling with anticipation. “Got everything?”

“Not quite. Proxy ‘ware’s incomplete.”

“You didn’t download it first?” Meridian scowls at me. "I thought you were supposed to be smart."

“Just a few seconds.” I flick a nervous smile at her. "You can give me that much more of this life."

Meridian takes in my penthouse apartment. "You got it good here, but you'll adapt." Her face twitches. She's a surprisingly bad liar for a double agent betraying one of the most secretive and powerful companies in America.

"I'm tougher than I look." I puff out what little there is of my chest. "What's it like… being poor?"

"For starters, don't say shit like that or you'll get a punch in the—"

Loud popping noises from the hall outside my penthouse apartment cut her off mid-sentence.

“Time to go.” Meridian draws a pistol from inside her jacket and chambers a round.

"You're going to kill them?"

"You think this is a fucking game?"

Son of a Pitch Entry 4: Second-Self

4.

Title Of Manuscript: SECOND-SELF
Category and Genre: Adult Speculative Fiction
Word Count: 95, 000

Query:

Eighteen-year-old Rory Lyon is an autistic college freshman who uses her strengths—focus, determination, and sensory sensitivity—to navigate obstacles in life. When she meets a mysterious man (Jai), from a planet in another dimension, she learns she shares a physical and spiritual bond with him—one so strong that if she were to die, he’d die as well. Each Incepterrian has a human counterpart, who isn’t aware of the connection.

When Rory crosses into Incepterrene, Jai’s brother seizes her. He hates humanity and is convinced Rory can be used to sever the deadly bond, but Rory's afraid of what he’d do if successful. She’ll have to choose between losing her humanity by turning her back on the inhabitants Incepterrere who are pointlessly dying, or risking the lives of humans to help Incepterrians.

First 250 Words:

Time trickles, waiting for other students to arrive. The fluorescent lights drive needles into my eyes. I shut them until the creaking of seats being unfolded alerts me people are sitting down. Sneaking peeks at them would be easier at the back of the room, but an article in the orientation package said I could raise my grades by sitting in the front row. Ten minutes watching students avoid the front row makes me realize I might be setting myself up for ridicule.

Arranging my books in the order they’re listed on the syllabus provides a temporary distraction, then I go back to scanning faces. I stop on a familiar one, meeting a pair of dark eyes. He’s perusing me like a lunch menu. Heat creeps into my cheeks, so I avert my eyes and count to five before looking back. His peculiar smile makes me wonder what’s going through his mind. He’s moving towards me, so I swivel in my seat just to be sure he’s not looking at someone else. I’ve seen enough beer commercials to know hot guys never turn out to be talking to the dorky girl with shoes that twinkle. Curse Bluetooth!

Son of a Pitch Entry 5: Always the Moon

Title: Always the Moon

Category and Genre: Adult Women's Fiction

Word Count: 74,000

Query:

Being seventeen again wasn’t the fortieth birthday present that triplet sisters Lily, April, and Sunday Brewer were expecting. That’s the thing about birthday wishes: You never know when they might come true.

ALWAYS THE MOON begins in 2011, when April is a brilliant neurologist with an incredible career, Sunday dropped out of high school as a teen mom to raise twin boys, and Lily is a recovering addict dealing with a grim cancer prognosis.

The women are swept back to 1988 after inadvertently using an enchanted match book to light their birthday candles. Confused and disoriented, April is sent to a mental ward, her future success in jeopardy. Sunday is desperate to recreate the conception of her twin sons, despite her hatred for their father. Lily wants to grab this second chance with both hands, but her sisters’ suffering is not part of the plan. Secrets and deceptions drive a wedge between the sisters when they need each other the most.

A mysterious woman with an interest in magic figures out their secret and wants a do-over of her own; she will do anything to get it, even kill a seventeen year old girl. The triplets need to stand together, or they could lose everything that they love.

First 250 Words:

Prologue April 20, 1988

Great. Perfect. Nothing like a little murder to top off an already shitty day. She was still so angry that she wanted to just kick the body.

What am I going to do? Everyone who could help me is as helpless as this dead bitch on the stairs.

The last four days replayed in her mind at top speed. Could she have done better? If she had been more empathetic, less selfish, less anxious to get on with her life…could she have stopped all of this from happening? Was it middle child syndrome, the desperate craving for attention, for the spotlight, for that moment of “all about me?” Was she so desperate to live that she was willing to sacrifice everyone else?

This is not who I am anymore. It isn’t even who I was then—I mean, now. Damn it, I don’t know what I mean. I just know that I wasn’t prepared for these consequences. My mother, my sisters, my friends… even this psycho.

The psycho in question moaned. Okay, so she isn’t dead. Was this a blessing, or did it make it even worse? Flames sparked up around the body, and she knew she had to act, right now. She couldn’t stay, she had to get back and make things right… but she couldn’t just leave her to burn, even if she deserved it.

God, things were so much easier when I was older.

Son of a Pitch Entry 6: Standing the Final Watch

6.

Title: Standing The Final Watch
Age and Genre: Adult SF
Word Count: 89,000

Query:

Innocents abroad in post-Collapse America face slavery or death, until Nick Angriff and the Seventh Cavalry ride to the rescue.

The terrorists who slaughtered General Nick Angriff’s wife and daughter fulfilled their leader’s purpose, by leaving him one mission in life: to kill the killers. Obsessed with revenge, Angriff needs a new reason for living before anger eats him alive. Miraculously, a higher duty calls, except nothing about it is divine.

With no loved ones to miss or mourn him, he agrees to command Operation Overtime, an elite military unit stored in suspended animation against the possibility of national collapse.

He awakens after sixty years to find the United States government destroyed, with a bizarre religious sect dominating the wreckage and enslaving the survivors. Resurrecting America becomes Angriff’s sacred duty.

Before he can save others, however, he must first stay alive. Angriff quickly discovers opposing plots within his brigade, including one to assassinate him. They are remnants of the extremist politics of the dead U.S.A., still fighting old battles, and he’s a target for both sides.

His choice is stark: dig out the threats within Operation Overtime first, or risk everything to help innocents facing slavery and death.

Without knowing friend from foe, Angriff leads the last Americans into the wasteland of North America, armed only with their guts, their wits and a determination to rebuild the United States.

250 Words:

Death raced across Lake Tahoe headed straight for the Tahoe Princess, where Winslow Buffer stood at the bow and squinted into the sunlit waters ahead. No premonition of Winslow’s imminent death troubled Mary Buffer. From the warmth of the tour boat’s passenger lounge, she enjoyed watching her chubby husband brace himself against the railings and turn his face into the wind. It was the first day of their first vacation since before Emily was born. The red-haired toddler stood on tiptoes and waved at her father. Her warm breath frosted the glass. Winslow stood at the bow, despite the cold spray, and waved back.

Out of the chill, Mary watched Winslow acting like a little boy and giggled. He often told her about his fantasy of cutting the clear waters of the Caribbean, the wind blowing his sparse hair, as he stood at the helm of his own sailing ship. She assumed those daydreams cycled in an endless loop in his mind. She certainly hoped so; starting a solo practice as a new CPA required long, hard hours, and he deserved time to dream and play.

The muffled buzz of a speedboat, growing louder as it drew near, caught Mary's attention and she glanced left. Milling people blocked her view. She looked back at Winslow in time to see something metal hit the deck and bounce, stopping near his feet. It seemed vaguely familiar, but her mind did not recognize it before the blast of the grenade ripped him apart.

Son of a Pitch Entry 7: Settle the Score

7.

Title: SETTLE THE SCORE
Age and Genre: Adult Romantic Suspense
Word Count: 80,000

Query:

Years ago, twenty-nine-year-old pop star, Jill Aita found her ex-boyfriend beaten and left for dead. Later, because of her testimony, she ensured his conviction for narcotics trafficking. He was imprisoned, and she was to blame. His hate-filled letters made her fear for her life, so she gave up her music career. Sacrificed everything that mattered in life. Disappeared.

But living with fear is no life at all. And Jill wanted to live. Music pulled her back, and she’s thriving. Her album sales are soaring. Her tour schedule is filling up. She’s falling for the sweetest guy ever. It’s all perfect, until he is released from prison. Her ex-boyfriend. The one who said he’d find her and get even when he got out.

Her ex’s menace is renewed when her car’s lug nuts are loosened. She leaves a charity event to find her car windows shattered. Jill longs to disappear again, even though hiding means abandoning her career, leaving the man she’s come to love. But staying means her boyfriend and his daughter may pay the ultimate price. Her ex has killed before.

First 250:

Virginia, Fall 2008

Jill pulled into the Emergency Room parking lot. She sat in her car, gnawing at her cuticles. The thought of what to do when she got here hadn’t crossed her mind. The only thing she was sure of was that she didn’t want to be associated with the beaten man in her passenger seat.

Her stomach twisted thinking of his past. Dealing narcotics. Smuggling. She knew who did this to him. Beat him and left him for dead. If they knew she saved him, there was a good chance they’d come after her. She’d end up beaten, or worse. Dead.

I can’t take him in there. They’ll question me. She noticed that there was an emergency button mounted on every other light post. She pulled up to the farthest one from the hospital doors. Reaching across Herb, she pulled on the door handle, and the car door swung open.

“I’m sorry, Herb.” With every last ounce of strength she had, she pushed Herb’s broken body from her car to the wet pavement. The sound of a few soft thuds from his knees and elbows hitting the parking lot gave way to something that sounded like a heavy cantaloupe bouncing a couple times. This felt inhumane. She felt like a monster.

As she stretched out to pull the door closed, Jill thought she heard Herb try to speak. Whatever it was he had said was so broken up by coughs and gurgles that she understood nothing. She closed the door.

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